Hide-and-Seek

We've all played hide-and-seek as a child. Some of us better and seeking than hiding; Some of us better at hiding than seeking. The latter is where my mastery lays. This concept of hiding has been on my mind for the last few weeks, enough to pull me out of my hiatus from writing. There …

We NEDA Talk About It…

How coincidental that this years NEDA Awareness Week topic is, "It's time to talk about it". That's kind of been my attitude within these last few months. Our secrets keep us sick, mine, especially, has kept me sick for over a decade.  For the first five to six years, I kept my struggles a secret …

I HAD/HAVE NO IDEA…

Yes, yes, I know, I'm a week late with this, but bear with me! The end of the trimester is a very busy time for teachers. Furthermore, I was busy living daily life...as we all should be! Life has been getting in the way of my ED...oh darn! ED's infuriated, but I keep shutting him …

The Delicate Balance Between Self Empowerment versus Extrinsic Motivation

On the last day of IOP treatment, my therapist blew my mind...well, kind of... I've been exploring this idea behind self empowerment - what it means to me, what it means to others, how it's accomplished, and how it aligns and coincides with extrinsic motivation. By extrinsic motivation, I'm not talking about material objects or …

Who decides when ENOUGH is “ENOUGH”?!

We live in a society where the feeling of "enough" has lost all connotation. There's never ENOUGH time in the day. There's never ENOUGH money. There's never ENOUGH of a good thing. We can never own ENOUGH shoes, clothing, purses... When applied to materialistic items, we're merely expressing our WANTS, and not necessarily our NEEDS. …

Insomnia and “Mommy Issues”…

Tick...tock...tick...tock...now, if this were a work day, I'd be stressing over how I HAVEN'T been asleep since 3am, but luckily, tomorrow is a holiday. As much as I enjoy starring in the darkness...this is getting old. Some of my deepest thoughts arise in the wee hours of the morning, however, I'm sure that I'm capable …

Dear Doctor…

Just because somebody is a "doctor", doesn't mean that they are knowledgeable about eating disorders or are immune to saying "unhelpful/triggering" things. I've been extremely lucky to have a primary care physician who understands eating disorders more than most doctors, who is abreast on her "eating disorder and mental health" research, and who really puts …

The Domino Effect of Emotions…

Why are feelings like dominoes? When one gets pushed over, the others start tumbling over, falling uncontrollably until the last one's down. I'm not a fan of that. The obvious and "healthy" answer here is to pick yourself up and keep going, knowing that tomorrow is a new day, but taking opposite action is more …

Explosion versus Implosion – which does more harm?

I was born an introvert. I like spending time with others, but need my daily alone time. When I'm around others who are high energy, excitable, edgy, impatient and/or intense my whole body tenses up and I start chewing on the inside of my cheeks - granted, I do this out of habit as well, …

iPhone, Matryoshkas, Help, Recovery

Okay, before I start, I'm going to preface this with saying that the iPhone is just a metaphor - for what, I don't exactly know, but it can have several meanings. Interpret as you see fit... The other week, my doctor said to me, "If you don't get on board [with meal plan and weight …